Year 1 - learnings and gratitude
This week at post 52, I’m at my one-year mark for this blog! So I want to take this opportunity to share 1) my reflection of this journey, 2) what I’ve learned and gained, and 3) gratitude for you and what’s next.
A reflection
I’ve been exploring leadership ideas outside the arts industry since around 2014. I kept these thoughts to myself and didn’t talk to anyone about it because I didn’t know if anyone would care, especially since it came from outside our industry. And I didn’t feel like I had people who’d “get me” to talk to.
Eventually, I learned that if I don’t share, nobody will know I have thoughts. I also realized that I never shared it because I was actually scared that people wouldn’t think it’s important. I was protecting myself from rejection. So I began to change my mind about that fear of sharing.
And I somehow found the courage to start this blog, and I told myself that I’ll do it even if nobody reads it. I decided to share the first post on a random day (it happened to be a Thursday) in February 2021, and I just kept going every Thursday. There were posts that had 1 read and posts that had hundreds of hits and shared all over. There were good posts and there were not so good posts. At the end of the day, I do not regret having spent time writing any of the posts – because I learned so much from simply doing it.
What I learned
I learned that I had no idea what I wanted to say. My thoughts were so clear in my head but so vague when they came out in words and in speech. Every post was an opportunity to wrestle with making my thoughts clearer (even this post). I had no idea it would be so difficult and take so much iteration. I’d like to think that I’ve gotten better over this last year.
Also, I had to learn how to articulate why anybody should care. In order to do that, I had to figure out first why I should care. And I was forced to rediscover why I believed the ideas were so important and how they fit into my personal purpose. In the process, I stumbled upon a more crystalized personal mission – to increase job satisfaction in professional musicians. I began to see how every idea I was interested in and how I wanted to show up as a conductor point directly to that mission. I couldn’t believe I hadn't seen it before! It was so simple yet elusive.
It’s amazing to think that, within a year, I had changed. Before, I was lost and attempted to conform to what I believe this person, that organization, or the industry wants from me. I navigated the industry trying to fit in, sometimes going against what I believed in. Now, this clarified mission gave me a framework of how I can behave consistently based on my values, purpose, and intended contributions.
I kind of want this for everyone in our industry...a life with purpose.
Also, I was surprised that being more aligned with my mission brought into orbit like-minded people who “got me” and cared about the things I cared about. With these people, I didn’t have to convince anybody nor pretend to be someone else just to fit in. I found belonging.
This sense of belonging gave me more confidence. I became less apologetic about doing my work my way. I learned that my work is not for everyone. I’ve learned that not everyone will subscribe to my ideas, and that is OK. Sharing is a way of discovering those who do, and releasing those who don’t. If you've stuck around for a year, you probably do resonate!
I also feel less guilty about learning and pursuing ideas that took me away from the traditional work as a conductor. I began to search and explore more openly. I now have a running list of ideas that I’ve saved in a Google Doc from 54 thought leaders and business leaders (and growing!). I’ve read 33 books and listened to countless podcasts and interviews in 2021 alone. And I now share them regularly.
Gratitude
Every single person who has engaged with this blog in some way helped me learn more about myself, my mission, and how I’m sharing my ideas to create impact in our industry. I want to thank all of you out there who gave me that gift over the last year. Maybe you’ve read most of the posts, maybe you’ve only read one. Maybe you agree with some of my ideas, maybe you disagree with all of them. Maybe you’ve shared it with someone else. Whatever it is, your engagement is feedback. Without that feedback, whether it’s intended as so or not, I would not be here a year in having gained SO much.
I appreciate your pushing me along this journey. I can only hope that I have had the privilege of nudging you forward along yours.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
What's next?
I'm committed to keep sharing my ideas as often as I can through this weekly blog. I'm also working on a book chapter this year and collaborating with other online platforms that will feature my writing. This year, I'll appear on Canton Symphony's podcast Orchestrating Change and be a guest speaker for its Leadership Program. I'll also mentor as much as I can through Girls Who Conduct's Early Career Program.
I'm also committed to starting conversations with like-minded people through Conductors for Change. I've hosted one this month and had an inspiring conversation with a handful of people who want to find ways to make all of our work matter. I think it can really become something special - assembling like-minded people, asking like-minded questions, thinking with the same mindset. I can't wait to see where it goes!
Thank you again for being a part of this journey. I hope you'll share with me which ideas resonated most with you. And please consider sharing the blog with someone in your life who might benefit from it!
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