Say “I don't know”
Sometimes I wonder: if I just admitted that I didn't know something on the job as a conductor, how much faster would I have learned? How much more would I have learned?
Instead of saying "I don't know" when someone asks me a question on the podium, I sometimes pretend like I know by ignoring the question or giving some vague response that could be passed off as "sounding right." The point is I'm thinking that I can't possibly reveal that I am lacking in knowledge. It will make me look weak, stupid, non-deserving of that place on the podium. It's that personal pride and that societal expectation of how a conductor should behave that prevented me from saying "I don't know" and having the opportunity to learn from it.
Here's another scenario: when I'm in a meeting and I have an idea, I often choose to not speak up. Maybe it's because I don't want to embarrass myself in front of everyone if the idea is not well-received. Or perhaps it's because I think it's such an obvious idea, surely they've thought of it. What I don't think about is maybe they haven't thought of it and maybe it's not obvious.
Psychologist Amy Edmondson says, "Every time we withhold, we rob ourselves and our colleagues of small moments of learning. And we don't innovate."
How many people in our organizations feel this way in their workplace everyday - afraid to say I don't know, afraid to speak up and share ideas? Probably almost everyone. Feeling unsafe psychologically plagues most workplaces because a fear of consequences has been strongly embedded in "the way things are" (another way to say "culture").
How many of them feel comfortable to try changing the culture? It is easy to think just say, "I don't know," but when it comes time to actually say it out loud, we don't. Why is it so hard in real life? We can't just fault weak willpower. The culture contributes too. Many of us only see around us negative consequences for speaking up or punishment for not knowing something. We don't usually see good things happen when someone openly advocates for change–at least not right away.
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As leaders, our courage to say something as simple as "I don't know" can set the course for a seismic shift in an organization's culture.
In the few times I've tried it, I found that it does not feel great saying it and is a very foreign and vulnerable act. But it can also be liberating. It doesn't get me off the hook from having to know it in the future, but rather it simply acknowledges that right now, at this moment, I don't know it yet.
Recognizing that distinction offers me three things:
It frees me from the shackles of having to continue pretending, which takes so much effort.
It opens the door to allow others to come to my rescue with the answer right now (not later), so it actually allows the work we do in the room to be more efficient.
It allows me to lead by example, setting the precedent that it is safe to say "I don't know" for others, regardless of title and position.
While we can model the behavior as leaders, we still have to battle the fact that our fear of consequences greatly outweighs our need for change, especially in an organization. We end up not taking steps to turn the culture around to be more psychologically safe.
So in order to build a culture of psychological safety, we need to have all three of the following:
Leaders who are willing to generously model speaking up and asking for help
Organizational culture that praise and reward people who speak up and ask for help
Support systems and practices in place to address concerns brought up and help people who need answers
Maybe by doing so, we can all learn more, learn faster, and prosper as people and organizations.
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