When empathy is turned off
I've always wondered: if we made it our life's mission, could we always empathize with others? The scientific answer is no.
The research of German psychologist and social neuroscientist Tania Singer found that, "We are wired for empathy, but only toward those who we believe are behaving well."
I can think of three instances where our empathy and curiosity may simply be neurologically turned off:
When we have a bias toward or problem with someone
When we are on the receiving end of feedback that feels unfair
When we feel underappreciated or poorly treated
These scenarios can be commonplace when we consider the conductor-ensemble relationship or the way musicians feel within a large organization. We often find ourselves feeling disgruntled as a default.
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Why is it that disgruntled seem to be the default expectation? I think it is because we often find ourselves in protection mode.
Our training focuses on status, hierarchy, and highlighting the rift between the musicians and the conductor. We learn how to maintain the status quo: the conductor maintaining the position of authority and power, and the ensemble maintaining the position of follower and cog in the wheel.
The conductor attempts to protect their interpretation and authority, going in expecting to have to do so, expecting there to be opposition. This naturally leads to a lack of autonomy in the ensemble. And the status quo becomes for the ensemble to "do what you're told" and "don't cause trouble." Under these unfulfilling circumstances, the ensemble naturally expects the possibility of being mistreated. They go into protection mode.
When we are in protection mode, we hold biases, we find things unfair, and we feel underappreciated..
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Empathy is crucial for understanding where someone else is coming from. Empathy is hard even with people we care deeply about. And it turns out that it is really hard when there is conflict or bias because our empathy can be neurologically turned off.
Simply recognizing that can help us step back and notice it's happening. Sometimes, we have the best intentions of seeing things from others' perspectives, but we don't realize that our view of the world may be blurred, partially-obstructed, or misinformed by our own minds.
Thinking about this has encouraged me to rethink how I perceive my assumptions of people and to question whether I truly understand where they're coming from when I am in situations of conflict.
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