This rule about goals is faulty
Goals with specific deadlines don't work for me.
I used to set goals that required me to achieve something by a certain date or a certain age. I was taught that's how goals worked. If there is not a timeline attached, it's not real enough. I won't achieve anything if there is no commitment to that end, as the theory goes.
Adhering to that timeline is the ultimate sign of success. So I gave myself deadlines for my goals, and I missed them one by one. Age milestones came and went and I didn't achieve goals as I had hoped. I was not able to check anything off my list, ever.
I realized that that is why deep down I always feel like a failure. That's all I could see and focus on: the fact that I missed goals after goal. I feel like I was getting an F in life goals!
Maybe this rule is faulty.
I'm learning how goals are perhaps not meant to be achieved at all. Maybe they are supposed to be aspirational - north stars that give me direction. They are a constant signal I can count on, especially as I weather the various storms in my life. It gives me steady confidence that I am going in the right direction, regardless of when (if at all) I reach the goal.
Not expecting to actually achieve the goal actually gives every step meaning. It allows me to shift my focus to the now and celebrate this step I'm currently on. That shift gives me the steady dopamine hit that I need - drip by drip along the entire way. I don't need to wait for the moment of achievement to feel good.
When there is no deadline involved, I can better admit that I can't control anything else but myself. Adhering to a firm deadline assumes that I have control - it's a false sense of safety that makes me put my head in the sand.
***
This rule about goals is faulty. Not just in my own life, but also in artistic organizations.
Setting timelines for goals puts us in a straitjacket and makes our tunnel vision worse. It's harder to see beyond that goal's end, so we neglect to see and assess the actual direction we're going in. For example, we celebrate anniversary milestones for organizations. But why? Is our goal simply continuing to exist for another 5 or 10 years?
Timelines for goals also make our success black and white. We neglect to celebrate every step we make in that direction, and that diminishes our resilience during long, stormy periods. For example, we celebrate doing well in concerts. We don't celebrate doing well in rehearsals. We kind of shrug that off. The final performance is where it all counts.
We can start clapping for each other after each rehearsal, as enthusiastically as we would after a concert. We can start celebrating how we are achieving our goals rather than only when we adhere to the timeline.
Letting go of this little rule about goals can change our lives.
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