Can I make a difference here?
When I enter a new professional environment or even engage with a new person, one of my most nagging thoughts is "do I belong here??"
A best-case scenario would be that the work culture or the person I'm talking to makes me feel comfortable. I feel safe to show up as myself and be a little weird. I behave in a natural manner and I can share my ideas freely. I feel welcomed and celebrated for being not the same as everyone else.
In the worst-case scenario, I feel threatened. I have the urge to hide my personality. I don't feel like my ideas are welcome, so I stay silent. I'm acutely aware and afraid of doing the wrong thing.
In both cases, I'm assessing myself within the situation and trying to answer the question "do I belong here?" In both scenarios, I have this need to belong, to be wanted, to be liked. And I will do whatever I can to satisfy that need. So I either lean into myself more (in the first scenario) or I shape-shift and people-please (in the second scenario).
I realize that I find myself in the second scenario far more often than the first! That in turn made me see how much I've attempted to change myself - often subconsciously.
"Do I belong here?" could actually be a dangerous question. So what could we ask instead?
I recently heard a conversation between Adam Grant and Linda Fagan (here), where I was offered an alternative question. Linda suggested asking "can I make a difference here?" instead of "do I belong here?"
I found that to be so powerful. It reframes the focus onto contribution and impact, and away from personal traits and beliefs.
When I imagine myself asking "can I make a difference here?", the considerations become more objective. The "fit" revolves around whether I can be of service with what I have to offer to the organization or the person. We don't need to always agree on everything or become best friends in order for me to have something to offer, to make a difference.
This question also offers a degree of clarity. If there is a need I can satisfy through my experience and skills, I can make a difference here. If there is no need or if I don't have the ability or interest to satisfy it, then I can't make a difference here. Both are OK.
The question "can I make a difference here" gives me an added perspective that influences my beliefs, actions, and decisions as a leader. I also appreciate how it challenges how I see myself "belonging" as a leader - and whether I need to.
I'll try this on and see what happens.
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