Maybe we don't all need to be alike
Have you ever read something about someone famous (or even someone you looked up to) or heard something they said and immediately imagined all the ways that you or your thoughts might already match theirs? Did you feel an urge to want to be more like them?
We’ve all heard the saying, “Great minds think alike.” A couple weeks ago, someone challenged that thought. That person said that great minds actually should not think alike. When we all think alike, we end up with conformity and a lack of diversity in ideas or perspectives.
So why do we want our minds to think alike? Why do we want to be alike?
One reason is the feeling of belonging and the safety that comes with it.
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As humans, we thrive on feeling included. We want to belong more than anything else. To our families, to our communities, to our teams and institutions. We don't want to stand out. We don't want to appear different. We are constantly evaluating whether we are in or out.
So we do everything we can to maintain our status and stay in our group. We sometimes conform. We may seek social approval, so we say something we don't believe in, or do something we don't want to do. We may even feel shame, so we adjust our behavior to maintain our self-esteem.
When we step into a room and everyone's wearing a hat, you want to find a hat as quickly as possible so you would fit in. That's the case even if you don't like wearing hats.
Musically, we are also trained to conform–and for good reason. Articulations and bowings need to match in order to achieve clarity in musical intention. However, this should not mean that diversity of ideas beyond those prescribed by the conductor should be unwelcomed. The reality is that we tend to think and operate too much in that way. Perhaps it is for the sake of efficiency. Or it simply makes us feel in control and safe to do so.
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Todd Rose discusses in Collective Illusions that the more we establish such cohesion in a group, the more common ostracizing becomes used to deal with deviants. We have the tendency to identify and eliminate what's different. That negative reinforcement normalizes the peer pressure to stay within the lines and under the radar. We try to be alike–maybe a little too much.
How does this hurt us?
We take things for granted. We stop thinking. We stop exercising creativity. We forget to look for alternative, better ways to do things. We stop growing. We simply do what we're told. We are not able to truly feel comfortable being who we are. We stop sharing our opinions. We stop taking action.
When we are talking about bowings, we need to be alike.
When we are considering the people we work with or the way we think about things, maybe we don't all need to be alike?
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In looking for people to join our group, it's customary to look for culture fit: who are like us and share our beliefs, values, and way of operating? Aiming for full culture fit can actually lead to a situation where those don't fit stick out like a sore thumb. This can lead to ostracization as a mechanism to maintain the status quo.
An alternative is to look for culture add. Who would challenge us to think differently? Who would offer a perspective different from ours?
How might we benefit from this mindset?
We can be pushed to change. We can be challenged by discomfort. We can grow through learning. We can expand our horizons. We can create better art. We can have a deeper impact.
The next time we hire or search for a collaborator, remember that we don't all need to be alike!
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