3 things I'm rethinking
I have been consuming a lot of books, podcasts, and various content related to leadership. I find a lot of insight in content from other fields outside of the arts and always appreciate the different perspectives.
Through my explorations, I keep on seeing the same messages again and again, and noticing that have caused me to rethink some of my assumptions and ways of operating as a conductor and leader.
I want to share three of those things I've recently been rethinking.
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1. I can show weakness and make mistakes
It's hard to imagine that it is OK to make mistakes and not know the right answers as a conductor. My musical training has ingrained the concept that perfection is the goal. Conductors especially are not allowed room for error because a whole lot of people are relying on them to do their jobs well. At some point, I began to think that I don't get to be a conductor unless I know everything, can execute perfectly, and always portray strength and confidence. It also became stressful and paralyzing. I felt like I owe it to everyone in front of me to not make mistakes.
That posture means that I stopped learning. I was so afraid of failure that any sign of imminent failure caused me to retreat. I didn't take risks. I put myself down for being imperfect - and even weaker for not being able to overcome that imperfection.
I've discovered that acknowledging the humanity in weakness and imperfection is liberating. It doesn't get me off the hook for doing excellent work, but it doesn't derail me completely from my focus on what's really important. Also, recognizing and accepting my weakness, especially in front of those I lead, makes me appear stronger.
2. I don't need to please everyone
Learning that not everyone is like me–nor do they need to be–was an important lesson. I am inherently a people pleaser. That works to my advantage in the sense that I get along with others in most situations. It also sometimes means that I struggle to maintain my internal sense of integrity. I feel like in pleasing others, I pretend and change myself. I end up diminishing my identity and allowing other people to influence it too easily. I wasn't being authentic. As a result, it diluted the uniqueness of my work and lessened its impact.
I've been rethinking about what "being authentic" really means, and I've learned that it involves being honest about articulating my values. With that clarity, I can more easily see who are my people and who are not. "My people" are those who value what I value and those who share a similar worldview of what's important. What's interesting is that I never need to please "my people." And I realized that I've spent the majority of my life trying to please those who are not "my people." That was perhaps wasted effort, or at least ineffective use of my time and energy.
I'm now focusing on serving and engaging with "my people," and I see any inkling of trying to please as a warning signal that I'm maybe not dealing with my people or that I'm not being authentic.
3. I shouldn't ignore feelings (particularly of those we lead)
I've heard conductors say to musicians, "Leave any baggage you have from your life outside of the rehearsal room." This is meant to encourage them to focus and inspire collective energy and commitment. I adopted this comment for a while. I'd use it when I found that the people were starting to get distracted.
Recently, I've been rethinking this. Maybe we hold this mindset because we were never equipped to deal with emotions, so we simply ignore or avoid them in a professional setting.
I'm learning that acknowledging our own emotions and those of others help us see and understand better the world around us. And that allows us to overcome, accept, and empathize with those feelings. This realization alone has made me a much better leader.
It should not be surprising to us that high emotional intelligence can lead to high performing teams. And we can all learn to become more self-aware and grow our capacity for empathy.
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What have you been rethinking?
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