What's the point?
I attended a webinar hosted by the League of American Orchestras during the first year of the pandemic. It gathered a handful of orchestral musicians from major orchestras across the United States and offered a forum to reflect on the impact the pandemic had on them.
One of the musicians shared a realization that has stayed with me. They realized that they had lost touch with why they fell in love with music in the first place. The stress of a busy performance schedule and rotating through challenging repertoire week after week had a dramatic effect on their overall well-being.
Despite the loss of job security and the ability to perform, the pandemic provided a space to reflect and fall in love with music again for this musician. They said that they rediscovered that they fell in love with music because they wanted to play for other people and they wanted to play with other people. This drove them to the profession. It's so simple, visceral, and profound. I'm sure many musicians share this love–myself included. Yet in the hustle and bustle, we've somehow lost it.
I was touched and intrigued by this reflection. Hearing this made me more convinced that our purpose and why are crucial for not only motivation, but also resilience and innovation.
***
Why do you do what you do?
For most of my life, I've answered this question with responses that I'd think would be satisfactory and acceptable by those around me (my peers, my mentors, the profession). Something that would feel safe. At first, that something safe took the form of something very generic like "to inspire musicians" or "to share my love of music with audiences." Yet, it felt so impersonal. It was just what I thought someone else would have wanted me to say.
I was eager to dig deeper. So I prompted myself further: what would I say if nobody was looking or listening?
It was still hard. For a long time, I could not find the words to articulate anything that made sense.
Then I realized that I'm so used to being told what to think throughout my education and training as a musician. I am trained to be driven by artistic excellence, perhaps as a vehicle to serve the artform. I am trained to achieve artistic milestones or to value performance and outcomes, perhaps as a marker of how much contribution and value I can provide for the industry.
I've never had to interrogate myself about why I wanted to be driven by excellence or why I personally wanted to achieve those milestones. So of course, I couldn't answer the question why I do what I do, even in private.
I've actually never had a conversation about my purpose with any other musician! I wonder if it is even OK to talk about it?
If I don't know my purpose, then what's the point of doing my work? We can say that we are lucky to love what we do for a living. That might be enough for me (or it should be), but how much of that statement is performative or a social lie we've told ourselves? How does that belief manifest in our actual lives?
In the face of adversity, how would I keep myself going? When I get lost in my path, how would I know to recognize it to get back on track? And how would I know if I'm any closer to achieving something today than I was yesterday?
The pandemic was an adversity that knocked us off our paths. And I personally realized I don't even recognize the path I'm supposed to be getting back on. I've been just kind of moving around in the world passively - doing the thing I've been told I was good at all my life, taking any opportunities that would come into my orbit without thinking, and believing that achieving milestones would lead to fulfilling a purpose.
I wonder how many other musicians are in that same boat?
***
I've been learning how to discover purpose via various perspectives and asking probing questions.
For example, I could try to complete the following sentences:
The change I seek to make is…
I help…do… (or someone achieve some transformation)
My values are…
The values I bring are…
Or I could ask myself the following questions:
What gets you out of bed in the morning?
What gives you energy and joy (even if you may not be that great at it)?
What are you fighting for? What's your story behind that fight?
Nobody can answer these prompts for me because this work is highly personal. It is not easy nor quick, but it is worth the effort.
***
Here's a recent version of my purpose that I've been trying on (like you try on clothes that may or may not fit):
My purpose is to help musicians who may be asking "what's the point?" to feel recognized for their full integrity, feel safe to take risks to make things better, and have the courage to embody what they stand for.
As I iterate and grapple with these prompts over several years, I notice that it has dramatically increased my resiliency during tough times. I often find myself asking "what's the point?" in moments of despair, rejection, and inertia. My purpose allows me to continue showing up everyday with my eyes on the prize - the change I seek to make, the value I hope to bring, and the people I want to help.
I've also seen in myself how a strong sense of purpose drives innovation toward unexpected horizons in terms of what fulfilling work may be. I began to see that purposeful work is not limited to only what I do musically on the podium, but includes activities that help me engage with those prompts above - just like this blog!
P.S. Here are 6 resources I've found along the way that have helped me on this journey:
TED talk by Simon Sinek - talk that will inspire you to starting with why
Tribes by Seth Godin - how you can serve your people
The Culture Code by Daniel Coyle - how purpose can lead to belonging
Pick a Fight by David Burkus - is yours one that is revolutionary, underdog, or ally?
The Blueprint by Douglas Conant - walks leaders through a process of articulating their leadership story
An exercise called "My Powerful Purpose" from Corey Blake - arrive at focused, surprising clarity in under 60 minutes (currently free!)
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