Vulnerability is leadership
One of the weird things I secretly do is keep tabs on when people I admire say that they feel defeated.
They reveal that they don't know what they're doing, they have doubts, or they're scared. I'll share two of these examples (a musical one and a non-musical one):
A few years ago, I was sitting backstage before going on to conduct the Poulenc Concerto for Two Pianos. One of the pianists was Alvin Chow, someone I've known and respected for almost two decades. Alvin shared that he's nervous. He said he always feels nervous, every single time before going on stage, and that it never goes away for him. I'm sure it was not his intention, but I felt like I was instantly given permission to be nervous. He's been performing that piece for decades, and it was my first time. If it's OK for him to feel nervous, it's OK for me to feel nervous.
My second example is in a completely different setting. I went through a couple years devouring Seth Godin's content online. Anything I could find I watched and listened to. In a random interview I saw on YouTube (I can't even remember which one it is), Seth shared that he doesn't know if his work is making any impact. I was shocked to hear this. He's had so much impact on me and millions of people. It was unfathomable that he could feel that way. Yet, I know it was real because I could hear doubt and concern in his voice. It's not the same voice I've listened to for hundreds of hours. He wanted to matter and help, but he wasn't sure if he was doing it. It was a moment of empowering vulnerability for me. If he can feel that way, I can feel that way.
It actually doesn't motivate me so much to hear someone say, "Oh, I never get nervous before going on stage." Or to hear someone say, "I'm so convinced I'm making a difference in the world." Those comments don't give me permission. What I hear is if you aren't not nervous, you can't be like me, you can't do what I do.
I learned that vulnerability is leadership. It makes it OK for others to follow, to feel whatever they're feeling, to doubt whatever they're doubting. Hearing someone say it's hard for them gives me permission to feel better about it being hard for me. I don't have to be invincible to be a leader, good at what I do, or want to serve others.
Everytime I hear someone disclose a vulnerability, I feel seen. I log those comments away in my memory, and I try to memorize how they make me feel better about doing my thing. I pull out these memories when I need them.
Those who are not afraid to share their weaknesses are the bravest and strongest leaders. And they help us all because we are immediately gifted with permission to do the same.
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