The conundrum of being told what to do
We spent our entire musical training and profession being told what to do. There is always someone who is telling us what to do - what we should do, what we can do, what we ought to do. And we've come to expect to be told what to, quite comfortable in that paradigm.
The thing is: people don't like being told what to do.
The more we are told what to do, the less freedom we seem to have. We lose autonomy and agency - the ability to make certain choices for ourselves. Stress increases, and it can feel threatening.
The plot twist here is: people also like being told what to do.
When we are told what to do, we don't have the pressure of making choices. We are released from the responsibilities and consequences that come from making them. This can feel rather safe and relieving.
This is the conundrum that musicians can face. We don't know how to handle being in environments where we are being told what to do. We may not even be aware that we both want it and don't want it, at the same time. And we are stuck between the two. The oscillation between the two desires puts us in a freeze state, where we can't decide to fight or flee. It's a place where we cannot be at our best or most our productive selves.
It seems like the solution is to take action and choose. We have two choices: 1) be OK with being told what to do, and 2) not be OK with it.
When we choose to be OK with it, we choose to meet the expectations of those who tell us what to do (instead of our own), plus the security of not being held accountable for those actions.
When we choose to not be OK with it, we choose to have a say in what the expectations are of what we do, plus the risk of failure and consequences of whatever deviating actions we take.
Do you choose door number 1 or door number 2?
The key is to realize that both choices are valid. There is no wrong choice. There is only right or wrong for you personally.
So it makes sense to make a choice, to choose one or the other rather than to live in the stressful limbo of not choosing. When we bravely choose, we accept a version of reality surrounding that choice. When we accept, we move forward and we can free up our precious efforts for other things.
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