Sharing the expertise
As a conductor and leader, I'm tired of two things:
I'm tired of having to be right all the time. My traditional training and education conditioned me to think that perfection in performance is the goal, that getting the correct and accepted interpretation is the key to achievement. The reality is that I am not perfect and I am wrong about interpretations many more times than I am willing to admit.
I'm tired of the pressure of having to know everything. As a conductor, I learned that I should have answers about everything. I should know everything I can about the composer, structure, musical details, instrumentation, etc. The reality is that I don't, but I feel like I must pretend like I do.
Why is all this? Why am I afraid of admitting that I am wrong about some things or that I don't know some things? Because that is what is expected of a conductor. I wouldn't be a good conductor if I didn't know everything or got things wrong. So it comes down to the facade - maintaining the image of doing my job.
Those are noble pursuits and important to keeping me honest about my integrity, but ultimately they are unattainable. And I wanted so much to believe that it is all achievable. I work hard to perform closer to perfection each day and to learn more so I have an answer for everything. But every time I fall short of those goals, I'd feel terrible about myself.
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Why am I sharing this?
Well, I've been thinking a lot about taking care of the musicians - creating safe spaces to take risks, empowering them to have voices and opinions, and helping them feel like they have ownership of their work. After all, I am not the one actually making the music, and we are all collaborators and co-creators.
Then I asked myself: how could I treat the musicians as collaborators and co-creators if I hoard all the expertise, if I make all the decisions, if everything I say must be right?
I realized that in putting the responsibility on myself to be right and have answers to everything possible, I end up being selfish. I shut out the musicians' opinions automatically when I expect myself to prescribe solutions as a conductor and tell my musicians exactly what to do and when to do it. I miss out on even hearing what the musicians have to offer with their own expertise. I miss out on the stories they could tell about their personal experiences with the repertoire. In fact, it may seem like I don't even welcome their ideas. And they may feel like they are simply being told what to do.
I also take away the musicians' autonomy by making all the decisions for them. Sure, I need to make some big picture decisions, and sometimes this saves time and money. But I can also find opportunities where I trust the musicians to make their own decisions. They certainly have the expertise to do so and would feel more ownership of the work if they were given the opportunity to make decisions. I realized that I can micromanage less and put less pressure on myself to have to take care of everything. In fact, saying that everything I say and do must be right actually undermines my hope to create a safe space for others to take risks and make mistakes.
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As a leader, I must not hoard the expertise.
I must share the expertise - the responsibility of employing our collective expertise - with the musicians.
Here are some ways I'm committed to doing so:
Understand that I can't be right all the time and will never know all the answers
Invite the musicians to help me get it more right, while helping them do the same
Embrace the temporary detours on the road to getting it more right
Work within the belief that together we may just have the answers to everything
I hope you'll join me in implementing some of these in your work as a leader.
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