Removing blame
When things don't work out as we hoped, humans naturally look to blame someone. It could be the person who made the mistake that caused the failure. It could be leadership who failed to help. It could be ourselves as leaders. We can't help but find a culprit for why things happen - even if it is blaming ourselves.
The solution is not to ignore the problem either. So we must "confront the brutal facts" as Jim Collins describes it in Good to Great. How can we do it without falling into the blame trap?
Collins provides four guidelines we can use in removing blame:
1. Focus on the facts and processes, not the people.
Remove "you" in our communication. Research has revealed that "you" often makes the message seem accusatory, personal, and even attacking. Of course, we don't mean it when we use it, but the psychological effect is there. And it results in people finding those communications less helpful than they're meant to be.
2. Be curious rather than judging while uncovering the problems and discovering solutions.
When we judge, we carry a fixed mindset. We assume that we know why things happened the way it did. We hold specific conclusions about what the problems are. What if those are not the actual problems? What if we misjudged? What if there are perspectives we were not able to see? Curiosity allows us to carry a growth mindset where we remain open to other reasons why we failed.
3. Focus on future actions rather than the wrongs of the past.
It's easy to dwell on what we could have done better or to feel guilty about missed opportunities. I heard someone say once that, "We don't feel guilty about the things that we don't care about." This perspective can help us channel our care and dedication fully into future action. We are more motivated and hopeful when we have a concrete plan and steps to execute it.
4. Be a collaborator rather than a supervisor.
As leaders, we can show that we are on their side. We are part of the solution seeking process. We may have a great idea, but we may also have ideas that have holes in them. We are as human as any other person on the team. This approach feeds a sense of safety and belonging by removing the mentality of "us vs. them." A supervisor, on the other hand, scrutinizes from afar without contributing to the process.
When we remove blame in how we work together, we feel safe to wade through messy challenges with surprising courage. That courage leads to the growth and change we need.
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