How to help musicians feel like they belong
"The Spurs don’t succeed because they are good at basketball. They succeed because they are skilled at a far more important sport: building strong relationships.”
Daniel Coyle writes this in his book The Culture Code, where he credits the way Gregg Popovich, the coach of the San Antonio Spurs, effectively delivers signals of belonging in the way he led the team every day.
His words, thoughts, and behaviors all paint a powerful narrative that signals a culture of belonging.
The narrative has three signals:
You are part of this group.
This group is special; we have high standards here.
I believe you can reach those standards.
Coyle adds, “Alone, each of these signals would have a limited effect. But together they create a steady stream of magical feedback.”
This idea made me reflect on my experiences as a conductor - how I have led, how others have led, and how it may have impacted the musicians we lead.
I noticed that we do really well with the second of the three-part narrative. We know we are special. We know we have high standards. And we’re proud of it. We wear that pride as a badge of honor in our communities. We show off how special we are in our marketing and recruiting efforts.
What I see we don’t do as well is the other two, especially the third one (I believe you can reach those standards).
***
Let’s consider this: once we join a musical group, what are the first thoughts that may come to mind?
Do I really belong here?
Does my work meet their expectations?
How can I maintain my standing in this group?
As humans, we are always seeking belonging so these thoughts come to mind - even if we’re super excited to be there. We naturally fear being kicked out of the group, so we work hard to hopefully meet those high standards and do a good job.
What's interesting is that as leaders, we don’t actually help ease this fear. Instead of signaling belonging with behavior that reinforces “You are a part of this group. I believe you can reach those standards,” we often operate from a mindset of doubt where we unknowingly signal “we’re not really sure if you can reach those standards. Prove to us that you can.”
We see this mindset often when leaders come in with the intention of having to do damage control or quality control. Examples of signaling doubt instead of belief may be singling a player out in rehearsal excessively or over-indexing on negative commentary about what needs to be better. The expectation is that people need 100% fixing and 0% encouraging. (This perhaps stems from how we are trained as musicians to feel like we are never quite good enough and there is always something we can improve. It’s a hard habit to break for sure.)
Over time, we actually also stop signaling the first item on Coyle's list “you are a part of this group.” We stop realizing that we need to emphasize it regularly, and this leads to more of the fear and doubt that breaks down belonging.
Biologically speaking, fear and doubt gives us stress. Stress induces an increase in cortisol. Cortisol blocks oxytocin, our feel-good chemical that triggers the feeling of belonging.
So this is why when we don’t feel safe, we don’t get the feeling of belonging.
***
What we need is simply more safety.
Instead of using fear and doubt as a motivator, we can use trust as a facilitator, and empowerment as an enabler.
As leaders, we can do so by starting with the belief that our people are 1) part of this group, 2) in this group that is special and has high standards, and 3) fully capable of achieving those standards.
With that belief, we can intentionally signal belonging in these five ways (with some ideas from Daniel Coyle):
Signal interest - invest in your exchanges with your people with energy and being in the moment
Signal individualization - interact with musicians as unique individuals and show genuine care about them as people (not just someone who plays the flute)
Signal trust - be mindful of when to stop rehearsing or micromanaging and trust that it will be worked out next time
Signal belief - believe that the musicians can innately achieve the desired goals on their own, remind them that they can frequently
Signal future orientation - show them that this relationship will continue and frame growth feedback as where we hope to see them in the future (They need to know that their areas for growth will not jeopardize their standing in the group.)
All these signals help people feel more safe. And in turn, they will feel more belonging.
Coyle writes, “Belonging is a flame that needs to constantly be fed.” So we should signal with the intent to keep that flame alive, and do it often.
Go here to read more about the Spurs and Popovich’s leadership.
To learn more about how inclusion can lead to belonging and empowerment, I suggest this book called Unleashed by Frances Frei and Anne Morriss.
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