Good feedback is a response
What is good feedback? As leaders, we naturally think it's good when we are able to diagnose the problem and provide a solution or advice.
Feedback typically comes in the form of critical commentary or praise, a status report of how we rank, and advice or directives about what to do to get better.
What if our feedback is not as good as we think it is?
There are two sides to this issue:
First, it is us, the feedback giver. The lens through which we see the situation can be a fresh perspective for others and it can be a limited one. We have our own biases, narratives, and thought patterns that tint our glasses. The feedback we give can say a lot about the way our own brains are wired, how we see the world, and what we value. Those things make their way into the feedback we give. So we may not be as objective and clear as we believe.
The other issue is from the feedback receiver's perspective. We are not well-practiced in thinking critically about the feedback we receive. We tend to take it at face value and believe it to be the prescription we need. We rarely ask ourselves: Is that comment true? Is the solution actually helpful for me? Is this really the problem I am facing? We have become comfortable with receiving feedback passively.
One way to think differently about feedback is to see it as simply a response:
It is a personal response to how I see the situation and the person within it. We can emphasize the "I" in feedback - "I noticed…" or "It seems to me…" or "I feel like…" Recognize that it is one (out of many) perspectives and one (out of many) possible responses. The feedback is simply what my response is right now given the circumstances and how I see it. This can help the receiver not see feedback as definitive or binding. It encourages them to remain open to other responses and hopefully seek them out.
Feedback also doesn't need to come in the form of a command. Instead, it is actually about creating reflection - allowing people to discover how to help themselves. We can ask questions like: What do you think you should do more of? What do you think you should do differently? How do you feel when you are doing this? How might you want to feel differently?
We often have the keys to our problems or limitations inside us. A leader's job is to not impose their thoughts but to help reveal ways people can use reflection to improve. Our unique, personal response is our offering to that end. And because it is personal, we give ourselves the grace to also be wrong in our diagnosis and feedback. It is important that the receivers are aware of this possibility.
And finally, it is not our responsibility to make them do anything after we've offered them our response. We don't have that kind of control anyway. Let them do whatever they want with the response. It is in their hands, and they can have that agency.
Feedback does not have to be a passive experience for the receiver. Leaders can shift our mindset to see feedback as responses that say just as much about us as about them.
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