Get it wrong
I was reflecting on a recent professional engagement. I retraced my steps through the whole experience.
I took the risk of trying some approaches I've never done before:
I tried to openly articulate my leadership approach and beliefs. I took up precious rehearsal time to do this. I said out loud, "I don't believe in the notion that the conductor's the smartest person in the room."
I tried to balance direct instructions in rehearsals with asking questions. I left some interpretative inquiries open-ended and unresolved deliberately. I literally didn't have one answer. I had several possible thoughts. I also know that any suggestion a leader gives becomes an order immediately.
I tried to refrain from fixing everything and step back to allow space for people to solve problems on their own. Some problems are simply not mine to fix because I don't have all the information nor the expertise.
I tried to ask musicians to share with me how I can help them specifically. I can't read their minds and my assumptions on what they need may not always be accurate. So they need to tell me, and I can act on it.
All this was not easy. Each attempt felt so taboo in the moment.
It was scary to try and even more terrifying to imagine the responses I'd get. I felt like others in the rehearsal room were always judging me with skepticism. This could very well be imagined, but it was indeed uncomfortable - maybe also for them!
***
Honestly, I don't think many of these yielded the results I had hoped for.
I caught myself wondering at every corner in my reflection, "Did I do that right?"
In hindsight, I realized that there were so many instances where I could have done better: I didn't persist enough with this approach. I insisted too hard with another one. I wasn't clear enough with the goals of that one. Or I could have taken action at a particular juncture instead of stepping back.
For a long moment, I panicked and thought, "Oh no, I did it all wrong!"
And then I had an epiphany: I need to get it wrong. Getting it wrong is a sign that I'm actually trying hard enough.
It is actually not about getting it right - especially the first time I try something. If I aim to get it right, I'd be playing it safe. I would only do things that I know would definitely work. I would be doing things the same way as I believe the industry expects and wants of me. That is also safe.
That is not trying hard enough to change and be better.
***
So it is about getting it wrong while having the courage to assess what went wrong and ask for feedback so I can get it more right next time.
Courage is only part of the equation. We need to be brave to try something new with the possibility of getting it wrong. Yet, we can't do it alone. Safety is the other part of the equation. That is generated by the people and environment around us. We need to feel safe to follow through with the courageous act.
Now, what's challenging is that these professional situations feel high-stakes. If I get it wrong, they may not want me back. If I get it wrong, my reputation might suffer. If I get it wrong, I may not be seen as a valid leader.
I think we can recognize that this is the silent dilemma we all face when we want to do better.
How could we see getting it wrong as a welcome sign of trying hard enough?
How could we see getting it right as a warning sign for being complacent and stagnant?
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