Conflict is information
It is impossible to not have conflicts in work and life.
When it happens, it's so tempting to go into either defense or avoidance mode. It makes sense that we want to defend and protect our perspective. And avoiding conflict allows us to procrastinate facing a problem. So it's sometimes easier to just not engage.
Neither really works. The stress from playing defense is unhelpful and blinding. Avoidance makes us complacent and stops us from speaking up - for both leaders and the people they lead.
I personally can sometimes see conflict as an impasse or as something I need to fix immediately. This quickly elevates my stress and discomfort, and I become ineffective at managing conflict - if I choose to even engage at all.
I've realized that instead of rushing to smooth over conflicts with any means necessary, I can learn to slow down and see conflict as an opportunity.
Conflict is information. It can tell us so much.
Conflict tells us about:
What they want
What they value
How they see things
What problem they are having
What support they need
This can all be different from:
What I think they want
What I think they value
How I think they see things
What problem I think they are having
What support I think they need
Sometimes the information we get is not the information we want to hear or believe is right. At the same time, knowledge is power.
Reframing conflict as information helps us see it through a lens of curiosity and understanding. Engaging in conflict doesn't require immediately shutting down the other side. Instead it asks for exploration, questions, understanding, openness, and vulnerability.
And perhaps conflict doesn't mean one side must win. Conflict may simply mean agreeing to disagree. Once we can accept this, we have more capacity to find a resolution using all the information gathered.
We can all be better at choosing understanding the information conflicts are telling us over defending or avoiding. Be curious about what it's trying to say.
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