Affiliation vs. belonging
I wonder how many of us actually feel belonging in our musical organizations?
First, it's crucial to differentiate affiliation from belonging. They are not the same thing. Affiliation is a label, and it is external. Belonging is a feeling, and it is internal. No amount of being told "you belong" in words can make us feel like we truly belong in our hearts.
You can be affiliated with an orchestra by holding a position there. At the same time, you may not feel like you belong, for example, if you don't feel like your colleagues have your back.
It is so easy for us to mistake affiliation for belonging, using them interchangeably without considering the damage it could cause. One of these side effects is we don't know what belonging actually is or feels like.
This makes sense since musicians are used to winning our way into belonging (like getting into a music school, winning a job, or achieving status through a prize). When we win, we belong. When we lose, we don't belong. What's actually happening is we are winning our way into affiliation: when we win, we become affiliated. When we lose, we don't become affiliated. That's it.
Have we become so accustomed to winning affiliation, that we've swiftly believed it to be belonging?
True belonging doesn't show up until later - when we are studying, collaborating, talking, or working with the people in that group. We feel belonging (or not) based on how we are being treated and how we are made to feel about our standing in the group.
Here are 5 examples of what belonging feels like:
You feel like you can make a mistake without the fear of losing your job.
You feel like you can disagree without being disliked and ostracized.
You feel like you don't have to pretend and you are liked for your inherent personality.
You feel like your values are respected and you are encouraged to live them out.
You feel like you share a common goal with others and are also supported to go toward your own goals.
Do we feel this way in our orchestras and opera companies? Did it ever matter to us or our leaders if we even felt this way?
What if we've never actually felt belonging? Could we imagine starting to demand it now?
I can't claim to know your responses or what life is like for you, but it might be worth thinking about.
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