A leader's unconditional love
I came across the idea that when we were children, we learned inadvertently that love is conditional upon our behavior. So we learned quickly how to please to get the love we desire. Love became something we "earned" through something we did - like a transaction.
It's no different in our professional lives. We have learned to be really good at pleasing others to get the love and affirmation we desire as artists. Our training rewards even us in this manner.
We do what the teacher says, and we get rewarded for doing so - again and again. That conditioning evolves into our seeking what a conductor (or any authority figure) wants and pleasing them by doing it their way. This search for affirmation has become a well-practiced routine for us as musicians.
We believe that love from a leader is conditional and must be earned.
It drives our actions in a musical workplace, like a rehearsal or even a conversation during a break. It motivates us to make certain decisions, like performing in an uncomfortable manner because it's what's instructed. It instills a looming fear that there is a chance our work may not be approved, or that the love we've previously received would be jeopardized and lost.
I wonder what would happen if we were able to walk in the room knowing that the leader's love is unconditional and is a given from the start?
What are the problems that you would feel brave enough to bring up?
What are the creative ideas that you would dare to share?
What are the artistic choices that you would allow yourself to question?
What are the musical goals you would have space to prioritize?
As leaders, how do we demonstrate this unconditional love for our people?
Tell them their work matters, that their thoughts and opinions matter
Tell them they belong despite their imperfections (perhaps even because of them).
Tell them they are not there to impress you. They are there to contribute their value.
Show gratitude and appreciation, more often than you may remember.
Find out about their goals, respect them, and commit to helping them reach them.
I wonder how a leader's unconditional love may lead to a world where musicians feel more valued, safe, and fulfilled - so that they may achieve their best work yet.
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