Once upon a time when I ran my own orchestra, I wrote thank you cards - one for every musician on the stage - for every concert. 

It was a ritual that was meaningful for me, and maybe a bit cathartic, even though it took a lot of time and my hands hurt afterward. I figured the least I can do is to show that I appreciate the musicians' effort and time. And it was very important to me to signal that I care about their experience more than I care about really anything else.

In my messages, I would always say that I hope it was a worthwhile use of their time, that they got something out of the experience. I would try to thank them for their specific contribution to the process and product.

A few days ago, I realized… I stopped doing this. I asked myself, why did I stop? Why don’t I do it anymore, especially if it was such a deeply important ritual for me?

The honest answer is that I felt weird doing it. 

I felt like I was the only one who did something like that, and (I thought) it made me look stupid as the odd one out. I had so much trouble finding camaraderie with other conductors for this innate way of operating. So the lack of positive affirmation caused me to give in. I wanted so badly to not stand out in that way. So I just stopped writing thank you cards one day. I guess I didn’t even realize this ritual stopped.

Yes, it was uncomfortable for me to be weird, but I learned that it felt worse to pretend to be not weird. My gut knew that something was missing. I didn’t fully grasp that the thank you cards were one of the things missing! I no longer had the tangible way to show my appreciation. I had the urge and intention of showing gratitude, but I stopped myself from following through with it.

I’m learning that if it feels right to do something, I should do it, especially as a leader.

Thank you cards make me feel like I have integrity in my intentions. It is a calming ritual for me that allows me an outlet for gratitude. Regardless of how people respond to them, I know that I have lived in my values when I take the time to write them. I wouldn’t be who I am without that ritual. So I should totally start doing that again.

What is the thank you card in your life? What don’t you do anymore? Why did you stop? Would you consider starting again?

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