We often ask people, "What do you think?"

We may ask this of our family and friends who are close to us and know us well. We may ask this of our mentors and advisors who are wise and trustworthy. We definitely ask this of our supervisors and leaders who are responsible for evaluating us in our work.

Of course, it is important to seek and value the opinions of others. We can get advice and hear other perspectives that reveal our blindspots. So, "What do you think?" is indeed a valid question. 

What I wonder if we may sometimes be too quick to ask this question, and as a result sideline our own worthy thoughts in the process?

***

If we think about our lives, we tend to have the habit of doing something and immediately asking for feedback. That's because we are looking to see if we're doing things right. 

Each opinion and perspective inherently influences what we believe and do moving forward. If we don't already have a strong viewpoint to begin with, then we can easily adopt the viewpoints of others to be our own. 

And we don't realize we are doing it. It is honestly easier to do this because we already have the validation of someone else. It's just out of order - we got the validation first not knowing what we wanted it to validate.

Also, one reason we have anxiety when we ask others "what do you think?" is the fear that they will disagree with us. We want them to agree with us. 

Now this implies that we already know what we really think! (because if we don't know, we won't want them to agree with it.) 

What's really happening is that we may just be afraid that what we think may be actually wrong. We may be afraid of making a decision that is fundamentally right for us and having to be on the hook for it even if nobody else agrees. That's what prompts us to ask "what do you think?" We are desperate for validation and we don't want to be the only one taking responsibility for it. 

In this process, we inadvertently hide and dismiss our own worthy thoughts. We don't even recognize that they exist!

***

When we feel inclined to ask "What do you think?" we can pause to check in with ourselves. We can ask - in this very moment:

1. Do I already know what I think? How convinced am I of that? What are my doubts?

2. Why am I asking the question? Am I looking for validation? Or am I seeking more information about what I could be missing?

I think it's worth it to consider that we actually know what we think and to give ourselves time to consider it.

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