An aspect of the conducting craft I hold sacred is striving to look like the music all the time.

What I mean is: Am I showing the tenuto on beat 2 and then the accent on beat 3? My gesture for a cello sound should look different from that of a trumpet sound. Is my whole body showing the depth of a tutti chord? How about the fact it is a diminished seventh chord resolving deceptively to the wrong chord? 

The layers of nuance in orchestration, harmony, dynamics, articulation, phrasing, and intention seem impossible to achieve all at once, yet for me so worthy of pursuit. The physical discipline and versatility is so attractive to me. 

My dedication to the craft also means that I believe my gestures should say it all. Words should not be necessary if I were to do it right. (Honestly, as an introvert, this gave me great relief!)

So when I find myself having to use words to explain musicality, one of two things (or both) would happen: 1) I’d blame myself for not being good enough at my craft, or 2) I’d become frustrated that the orchestra is not responding to every little nuance I believe I showed.

Neither response was particularly helpful. I’ll always be working on the first one. But in regard to the second one, I want to share one idea that has helped me challenge my belief:

The idea is that unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments. 

I realized that I never articulated that these nuances are very important to me and that I expected a close correlation between what I was showing and the sound I heard. 

These were unspoken expectations. I assumed the musicians were looking for the tiniest nuance in my gestures. I tried really hard to give it to them. The reality is that not every musician notices or makes responding to the conductor’s gestures their foremost goal (and that’s OK). They have plenty of other things to worry about.

I was setting myself up to be frustrated at people who just didn’t get the memo (that I never sent). I was premeditating resentment. If they didn't know what’s expected, it means they didn’t have the chance to try to meet it. 

I became aware that my frustration came from unspoken expectations. It challenged my belief that having to use words means I’m a bad conductor. Sometimes words that clarify expectations may be what’s necessary to prevent growing resentment.

What are some of your unspoken expectations?

Curious? Sign up to receive an email with each new post!

Prefer to watch/listen instead?

Here's the blog in video format!