Perfection as the expectation
In a conversation with a colleague recently, I was struck by something that she said: perfection is the expectation in our industry.
It's so true, and it made me pause to think.
Achievement that is easily measurable in our industry is often black and white: we either played it right or we played it wrong. We were either together or not together, on time or late. We either won number one or we lost, even if we were number two. We either got a good review or bad review.
We've been taught over time that perfection is the noble goal and it's the thing we should all try to achieve.
Another industry plagued by perfectionism is medicine. It puts our perfectionism in context when we consider that medicine is an industry where not achieving perfection has much more dire consequences. In an article for doctors about perfectionism, the author writes, "This perfectionism was reinforced by the implicit and explicit messaging of, 'Don’t your patients deserve your best?'" Doctors can easily think, "I will be a great doctor when I can save all of my patients from dying."
We can find parallel messages in our work as musicians. Perhaps something like:
I'll be a great violinist when I can perform every note exactly as it should be.
I'll be good enough when I get a stunning, career-making review.
We will be a great organization when we make X amount of money or when we win this coveted award.
We want our organization's work to be perfect because our audiences deserve only the best.
The author adds, "Unlike high achievers who are motivated by curiosity, determination, purpose, and commitment, perfectionists are driven by fear of failure, self-doubt, shame, and worthlessness."
I am definitely a perfectionist: instead of feeling motivated thinking I could achieve very high standards, I feel obligated to think I should all the time. And I judge myself every time I don't achieve it. I should always execute with complete accuracy, or I don't have what it takes. I should always win number one, or I'm a loser. I should always please my audiences, or my work is not good enough. I know that even the top performers make mistakes and fail, yet I still think perfection is an expectation that is reasonable. Why??
This happens to all of us. Perfection could easily take over as the only expectation if we're not careful. We live in a world that favors measurements and the quantifiable. Higher measurements make us feel safer, more justified that we've made the right decisions or chose the right people.
Yet, there are consequences: 1) stunted growth, 2) increased shame, 3) lowered performance, and 4) decreased happiness.
The self-doubt and shame that come from even the smallest failures taught us to avoid failure. It's such a debilitating feeling. If we can't do it perfectly, we might as well not even try (or at the very least, we procrastinate). We end up not reaching our potential. We don't try to take risks to see if something may work (or not work). Everything we do must have high projected success, but to learn and get better, we need to fail and do it wrong. Also, nothing is ever good enough, so we are constantly not worthy of our institutions, of our industry, of our society. And - we can't possibly tell anybody about how we feel about it. The shame brews and leads to a cycle of continuing behaviors to avoid failure.
Beyond the individual, avoiding failure also manifests itself in our organizations: We don't take risks. We don't ask for help. We don't speak up. We cover up any flaws and pretend they didn't happen. We may feel comfortable under these circumstances because we don't put ourselves in jeopardy by asking for help or speaking up. However, underneath "everything's fine" and avoiding failure, our organizations and their people are stagnant, underperforming, and unhappy.
Dispelling perfectionism as a virtue and expectation can ensure we continue to grow, to perform better, and to be happier. But what could we do besides say to ourselves, "We are human, so we can't be perfect!"?
Here are some actions we can adopt:
Put it in perspective - When reacting to a mistake or failure, use Annie Duke's 10-10-10 rule for decision-making. Simply replace "decision" in her strategy and ask what's the impact of this mistake in 10 minutes, 10 months, 10 years? Would you or anybody else care as much about it as you do right now?
Stop thinking of it as a switch - Black-and-white thinking is a perfectionist mindset in disguise. We think of things as on or off. When we think of it as all or nothing, and we miss the significance of steps in the middle.
Share failures openly as the leader - Anybody (but especially leaders) can be role models in normalizing failures. By sharing failures that can be expected and are inevitable for innovation, it makes others feel like they can make the same mistakes too.
Consider blameless reporting - Reward instead of punishing those who reveal mistakes, ask questions, or share their failures. Encourage the behavior we want to see happen more.
We may never fully escape perfectionism, but we can start recognizing it is an expectation that is unproductive.
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