I've been thinking a lot about control.

We gain control when we devise a plan, when we find answers to questions, and when things go right.

We lose control when the plan doesn’t go according to plan, when we don’t know what’s the right thing to do, when we encounter struggle in our journey. 

When we feel a lack of control, we panic. Fight or flight kicks in. We try to save face. We try to pretend we know. We don't want to look dumb. We ignore the problem. We blame others. We can even blame ourselves. We know that blame doesn’t ever help anyone or anything.

We can to an extent reliably control ourselves - our own performance on the podium, our actions and reactions to situations, and how prepared we are with a vision. 

How much control do we really have anyway beyond ourselves? 

Each day is full of unpredictable external factors we can’t control - the weather, the traffic, the power outages, the world events, etc. And in the rehearsal, we really have little control over our musicians as people - the emotions they feel, how much sleep they’ve had, how their instrument is working, what physical pain they might be feeling, and how well they will perform that day. At best, we can influence how they perform, via our conducting gestures and how we choose to interact personally. 

So in order for our plan to work out as we had hoped, all those factors must "go right" - and that ideal situation is based on pure luck.

As leaders, it feels natural (and at times right) to take responsibility for not just our own actions, but the actions of our people and the ultimate outcome. It’s sometimes how we are taught and how it’s been modeled for us.

When we take full responsibility, two things happen:

1. We assume everything is within our control. If only we had done better with those aspects, things would have turned out differently. Is it really wise for us to take responsibility for the things we can’t control? Does it help us? Or does it simply contribute to an illusion of maintaining control?

2. We disempower others from holding (and sharing) some of that responsibility. Some of the things we can’t control are actually controlled by others. If as a leader, I take all the responsibility, I give permission to others to not care, disengage, and be a passive passenger.

Ultimately, it is an ego issue. We want to believe we can solve everything. We want to believe we can know everything. And to take responsibility for everything and everyone feeds our ego. It makes us feel safe. It makes us feel in control. Maybe that’s something that attracts us to being leaders.

The reality is that we really don’t have control over very much. And perhaps we can all practice letting go of this illusion of control.

The real challenge is that when we let go and “lose” control, we feel unsafe and uncomfortable. We don’t want to live there. Feeling comfortable in the discomfort is where the real work lies to becoming a better leader.

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