"The questions you ask someone suggest the journey you want to go on with them." 

This is something I heard recently that resonated deeply. 

I've been using this as a guiding principle for networking, which has always been hard for me. I know I'm not alone in that feeling. This principle helps me feel more centered, purposeful, and genuine in connecting with other people. It also allows me to find my people.

The journeys I want to go on are ones that explore forward change in our industry. I attempt to nudge conversations in those directions by asking questions like:

• Why do we do things a certain way, and are there better ways to do them?

• What are we missing?

• What are our biggest challenges and their root causes?

• Why is change such a struggle?

• Why do we do our work?

• What habits and beliefs hold us back?

Conversations flow with people who want to go on these journeys. They are invigorating, magical, and rich. Time moves so fast. They are full of spontaneous sharing and collaborative discovery. I feel like I'm validated while being challenged to rethink. I feel safe to say things I've never said before out loud, in ways I've never said before. I surprise myself often in these conversations.

Conversations with those who don't want to go there become extremely boring fast. We only talk about safe topics like what we do in our jobs, where we've lived, who we've worked for. It rarely can go deeper. Time moves slowly. There are long, awkward pauses. It is stressful as I grasp for ways to desperately keep the conversation going.

I realize that having the second type of conversation does not mean networking failure. Nor does it make the other person lesser in value. It simply means those are not the people I want to spend effort with right now. They are not my people, part of my tribe.

It never feels right to network to "get something" from someone in a transactional manner. Yet, that's the only kind we are taught and know how to do. It has been liberating to unburden myself from that frame of mind. 

Instead, I focus my agenda on finding the people who want to go on the journeys I want to go on. I keep my antenna tuned to those frequencies. I ask intentional questions to start and continue conversations. I listen for interest and resonance. I either keep probing or I step back. Then, I commit and invest time in those people who are my people.  

What are those journeys for you? How could you find your people? What questions would you ask?

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