In my job as a conductor, I spend a lot of time evaluating musicians. I notice I often make assumptions about how hardworking someone is based on their performance. It made sense: if they did well, they worked hard; if they didn't do well, they didn't work hard. 

Well recently, I heard an idea that made me think twice: the person who is the most hardworking is the one who's struggling.

I immediately related to the person who's trying really hard on the inside and yet somehow not doing a great job on the outside. The person who is very aware they're not measuring up, who knows exactly what they need to do, but it just isn't happening. I'd feel terrible, misunderstood, and unseen. This internal challenge is deeply frustrating. And we rarely notice it.

So perhaps the person who is the most hardworking is the one who's struggling. 

So how is this relevant and helpful?

I find this perspective useful in considering how we speak and respond to the person who struggles.

Instead of being quick to call them out and tell them to work harder by doing XYZ things, we can pause and give them some grace. We can do two things in the space of grace: be open and seek to understand.

1. Be open to the possibility they are actually trying very hard, they know they are not doing well, and they know what they should be doing. 

1. Seek to understand more by asking questions to uncover what they find most challenging, why they don't think it's working, and what kind of help they actually need from you.

I share this perspective, of course, not to suggest all people who struggle are actually working hard or people who do well are actually not hard-working. 

Instead, it's a much-needed reminder that the world is rarely black and white. It's full of nuance for us to notice. And we can all give more grace to the person who is indeed working hard and still struggling.

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