As I'm writing this post, I'm about to start a rehearsal process for an opera. I'll be working with new musicians in a new state. Frankly, I don't know much about these people. 

A previous version of me would probably walk into rehearsal and start guessing. I'd make up stories about what the musicians are thinking - about me, about the piece, about the experience. I'd assume someone wants me to give them musical liberty and conduct less, when all they want is really for me to be more decisive and lead more. My radar for facial expressions and body language would be on high alert, and I'd almost always interpret them in a negative way. 

In reality, I have no idea what other people are thinking, what they need, or what is causing certain behavior. Yet, I never had the courage to simply ask. So I never really knew. And I'm probably wrong most of the time.

In recent years, I've been trying to adjust this learned default in myself. I realize that I need to ask for input, not just on what they need, think, and feel - but to invite them into as much of the process as collaboratively possible. 

This is the key to exceptional teamwork. So I'm experimenting with different ways and times to solicit input from my musicians.

Here are some questions I'm curious to ask in this upcoming production:

What does support look like for you?

• Where do you need me to get out of your way? Where would you appreciate more leading from me?

• Where do you need my eye contact? Where might you not want it?

• What would make you most comfortable trying new things?

• How would you prefer to receive notes? What kind of feedback works for you?

• What do you care about the most in your work?

How could we best use our time together?

• Would run-throughs help (or not help)? 

• Are there specific spots you want to iron out? 

• What are some goals you might have for this rehearsal?

• Which parts would benefit from more repetition?

• If it were up to you, how would you use the time?

Every new project is an opportunity for me to level up my leadership and how I set the stage - away from guessing and assuming toward asking and understanding.

In this process, I encounter challenges. Sometimes in rehearsal when I ask "how can I help?" or "what do you need from me?", I'm met with silence. I can sense discomfort and it makes me uncomfortable too. It occurred to me that this is normal because it is not our default. 

How many times have musicians been asked these questions from a conductor? In fact, how many times have I practiced asking these questions? Not a lot.

It comes down to the fact that I am probably afraid of failure, getting skeptical feedback, or missing the mark. I have to remind myself that, in building a new habit toward change, consistency (not perfection) is key.

And Amy Edmondson wisely said, "Failure is not a bug of learning, it's a feature."

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