Throughout my career, I found myself not feeling valued in the majority of my workplaces. For a long time, I thought there was something wrong with me. I was being ungrateful. I desired the impossible by wanting to feel valued. I should just suck it up and get on with it. 

Here are 4 scenarios where I did not feel valued: 

1. In one of my first director of orchestras positions, I found myself not being included in conversations with the school leadership for important decisions that impacted the orchestra. I remember feeling like I didn't exist and that not my position nor my insights matter. 

2. In another job, I was told that my orchestra was becoming too professional (and it didn't seem like a compliment). I felt completely unseen for the value I thought I was bringing. I was shocked that professionalism is not what was first and foremost desired. I realized that the organization and I didn't share the same values for my work.

3. I once had a supervisor who over the course of several years only contacted me when they needed something from me or when something was wrong. I learned there is a term for this - an absent leader. When I'd hear from them, I'd cringe and feel fearful. I knew there was an issue and that somehow they had been looming over me (perhaps waiting to catch me making a mistake). I never felt acknowledged, let alone appreciated, by this person's engagement with me. I actually feel used.

4. In a position I held for a number of years, I got into the habit of not expecting follow-through since there had been too many times where things that were said in conversations never materialized. I was operating with such low trust in the organization's accountability, particularly as a mechanism of protecting myself from continued frustration and disappointment.

In most of my jobs, I've always felt like my career goals didn't matter. I was needed to complete a job, and my own aspirations, desires, and interests were irrelevant. Practically speaking, there are usually no ways to advance and I couldn't see a future at these places.

Do these stories sound familiar to you?

***

Luckily, I also have had experiences where I did actually feel valued, and they were a huge breath of fresh air. I didn't even realize that it could be different until I encountered it.

Those experiences made me feel like I was not crazy in wanting to feel valued, recognized, and seen for my work. 

Here are 4 of those experiences where I did feel valued: 

1. At a recent opera gig, artistic leadership were often in the room. Yet, I did not feel like they were watching over my shoulder. I felt their trust in me that I will do my best work, and they were there to see how they can help. I felt safe and empowered.

2. I worked with a colleague where they did what they said they would do. I felt like there is mutual respect, trust, and collaboration. I was able to be more fully focused on my work as opposed to wondering if something is going to actually happen.

3. I worked with people who actually wanted exactly what I wanted. We had natural and prolonged conversations and I was able to accomplish so much more within that relationship. We cared about the same things. We shared the same values for the quality of work we produced. We also shared the same goals, mindsets, and interests. These situations made me feel like I belong and that I am seen for who I truly am.

4. Even in a teaching job I feel kind of stuck in, I recognized how meaningful it was when my supervisor would tell me at least every semester how impactful and important my work is for the department. I was literally told that I was an asset. I felt appreciated regularly - and I noticed it.

The funny thing is that all these instances actually resulted in my doing even better work than I thought I was capable of myself.

***

Reflecting on all this, I learned that feeling valued at work is truly one of the most important things we can both cultivate as employers and demand as employees. 

Of course, appropriate compensation is crucial in this conversation. Yet, that is often the only conversation. Daniel Pink said that the proper way to think about money when it comes to value and motivation is to "get it right, and then get it out of sight" (see his TED talk about motivation here).

Let's say "get the money right" is #1. Then here are 9 additional ways we can help a musician feel more valued: 

1. Communicate appreciation regularly for a musician's unique and individual work. When months go by and we don't hear words or see actions to signal appreciation for our work, we feel less valued.

2. Demonstrate how a musician's work has an impact. When we don't know how our work applies to customers or even other people around us, we feel less valued.

3. Remind how a musician's work is connected to the mission of the organization. When it is clear that our work doesn't align with the organization's mission, we feel less valued. We can try harder to make something count, but it's never going to be enough because it's mismatched. 

4. Celebrate a musician for who they are to signal belonging. When we feel like we don't belong just being ourselves or when we have to work really hard to try to fit in, we feel less seen and valued.

5. Honor a musician's values and show how they align with the organization's values. This is just like aligning work with a mission. When our values are violated and disregarded, we feel less valued.

6. Demonstrate through action that a musician's opinions and ideas matter. When we are not asked for our thoughts and opinions, we feel less valued. Amy Edmondson warns us against the detrimental culture of silence and just "going along," with the "assumption that most people's voices do not have value, and thus will not be valued."

7. Trust a musician as much as possible and be trustworthy back. When we don't feel trusted to do the job we're here to do, we feel less valued. When we don't trust leaders, we also feel less valued.

8. Acknowledge a musician is a person with interests and goals. When we don't get the sense we are understood for our personal motivations and curiosities, we feel less valued.

9. Stay connected regularly with a musician. This sounds really simple, yet when we don't hear from leadership for long stretches of time (for any reason), we feel less valued and seen.

How do you want to feel valued tomorrow? How could you help others feel valued the next day?

Curious? Sign up to receive an email with each new post!

Prefer to watch/listen instead?

Here's the blog in video format!